it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
