He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
