If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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