I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
