I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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