don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize