I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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