Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
