I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is wine microwaveable?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
40s are totally the cure
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
