the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
