i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
