shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
