One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
