omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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