I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
