He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
