here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
