I'm going to jail i love you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
