I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
