Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
