you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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