Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
