And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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