If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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