Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
