In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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