He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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