saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
