The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
