Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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