her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
