I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
