Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
