batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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