stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
