you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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