Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
