Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
