Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
