dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
