If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I deserve this hangover.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
