Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
