Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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