You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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