I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
