Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
