Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
