I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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