It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
