i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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