Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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