actually, I'm a sock model
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
