just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
