he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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