I could make wine with my vomit
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They are going to name an STD after you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
