I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
