Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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