Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
