Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize