Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
