Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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