took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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