nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
