I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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