I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
