I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
