You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
