Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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