Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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