the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
