Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
