when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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