What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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