Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
