You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
