I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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