I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
