Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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