I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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