I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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