i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
