Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
