But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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