we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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